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I have a complaint: the dog. She climbs in the bed, flops in between the two sleeping humans, jams her toes — all 16 of them — into my side and slowly starts to push. It is an effective method. I slide away from the pokey bits and she moves closer and re-applies the talons.

At least with stuff like the water torture or sleep deprivation you know where you stand. There is a goal, a plan behind the pain. The 16 Talon method is more subtle, dare I say more cruel? What does the dog want? More space in the bed? More kibble? Is it payback for the Puggy Spin-Move(tm)? She is unclear in her goals, yet, every night, the 16 Talons method get applied after I've fallen asleep.

'Tis indeed a cruel, heartless world we live in.

Halo 2 is a done deal. The code went gold and shipped to processing. Oh, I'm looking forward to killing me some Covenant come November.

I am choking on my own rage:

Parents expressing outrage after a teacher is kicked out of her public school for hanging a picture of President Bush next to pictures of other presidents in her classroom. ...

...Crossroads South Middle School in Monmouth Junction, New Jersey. On Thursday, there was a back-to-school night for parents of students. Veteran English teacher Shiba Pillai-Diaz says she was shocked when three parents confronted her. The three, insisting the teacher either add John Kerry's photo to the montage of presidents or remove the Bush photo. When Pillai-Diaz refused, she says the school's vice-principal threatened her job...

Pillai-Diaz ultimately removed the entire bulletin board and says School Principal Jim Warfel told her she disrupted the school with her "inflammatory politics". She says he then ordered her out of the building. ...

School officials would not talk on camera but insist nobody here has been fired. To that, Ms. Pillai-Diaz asks what does it mean then when your boss asks you to hand over the keys and kicks you out of the building? She also says she is not sure if she'll be returning to school tomorrow.

via ABC News

What the fuck is wrong with people? Just because you may not agree with Bush, think he's a moron, and/or eats children with Karl Rove as a late night snack, he is still the God Damned President!

No wonder the education system is failing America — it has to answer to people like the parents in Monmouth Junction.

So, after the nightmare that was the re-make of the Thunderbirds, you can understand if I was a bit gun shy of puppet-based movies. When you see the once great Thunderbirds rendered "un-FAB" by the ass-wipes in Holly-weird because they are unable or unwilling to come up with a new idea, it really hurts something inside.

Luckly, there is a cure: Team America.

I was a bit if-fy on going to see it, but then the reviews started coming in. I think the fun folk at FOX "insert ubiquitous blonde here" News have hit summed it up best:

Try to imagine, if you will, a movie that in its first few minutes offends just about everyone who's watching it.

Then you have "Team America: World Police" ...

via FOX News.

When the review starts like that, shit, you might as well stop reading (I did) and just get your ass in line to see it (or at least start making plans to buy a ticket online). I also heard it got such a high rating because of "graphic puppet sex". I don't know what that could mean, can't recall where I heard it, and am pretty sure it will invade my dream in a less then positive way... but I'm psyched for it! I can only hope they have a FAB-esque catch phrase (but not for the sex).

BONUS

You may be unaware, but a Google for fox news blonde actually turns up a Fox News anchor first. Don't know if that is a Good Thing for Google or Fox. I mock, you decide.

Update

Puppet oral sex goes against grain for US censors &mdash oh, those clever Brits and their play on words.

There is a certain times in your life when you realize you're (1) grown up and (2) doing okay. Today we had such a moment. While out scoring a gift for a friend over in New Hope. On the way over to the shop of choice, we stopped into a local art gallery 'cause we liked one of the paintings in the window. Inside we saw other paintings by the same dude — Daniel Kessler. Since we passed on scoring a house-type gift during our anniversary get-away we decided that one of these paintings would be a fine thing to purchase.

So, now we own a signed artist proof of Tres Amigos. Number 22 of 38 to be exact. I likes their beadie little eyes.

What does this say about us? I'm not sure. It probably could be expressed in a profanity ladden tirade that involved the phrase "latte sipping yuppie scum" near the end half. All I know is we could have gotten a print, but owning actual paint is kind of neat. Chances are pretty good, I'm becoming everything I've ever hated. Still, at least I'll have cool shit on my walls.

No, not her.

Him.

Scary. On several levels.

Today's yuk-yuk coutesy of defective yeti:

When you are driving around with a group of friends and see a young woman precariously tottering down the sidewalk in four-inch heel platform shoes, exclaim "Jesus, she looks like an AT-AT walker" and listen for the person in the vehicle who snorts appreciatively at your analogy.

/me snorts

While we've all heard of bias — in both directions — in the main stream media in various places, it seems AFP let some truth slip by. Good for them!

So, I happened across this:

The end is finally in sight for one of the most reported-on game development processes ever, with publisher Vivendi Universal Games announcing that Valve's Half-Life 2 has gone gold and will ship on November 16th.

via GameIndustry.biz via Google News

Not only do I need a change of underwear, my screen has goo on it. While it reminds me of that joke about how you can tell a woman has been using a computer, it does make it hard to read the rest of the article.

From the parts I can see, it looks like on November 16th I'll be at the local game-whore-computer-world to score my copy. I'm a little sad that Team Fortress Mod won't be in the initial set, but I have more faith in the mod community to produce a playable mod than Valve to release the vaporware that is Team Fortess 2.

I have finally found a site that you just have to view in Internet — Standards are for Losers — Explorer. It hurt me to fire that browser up, but it was worth it:

vs.  

What is not to like? The possibilities are endless! Just to get you started, you can find Godzilla under the "1x" tab, near the bottom next to the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man (but he never hurt anyone...).

Okay, so I've been trying real hard to post/think too much about the upcoming election. Sure, you can ask the woman I slip every hour or so but I can stop whenever I want. Really. ...

Okay, there was this... and as usual Lileks puts it best. The "clip du jour" is the Breck Girlie-man working his locks to utter perfection for an interview. I'm sure it is nothing special but the slightly more rabid of the anti-Kerry crowd have latched on to it like a drunk college freshman at his first frat party latches onto the house party favor. Anyway, Lileks captures the moment thusly:

Until he whips out – well, you’ll see. It’s like Captain Kirk whipping out his communicator to contact the USS Fabulous. Set phasers on stunning!

I loves it.

Okay, so as reported earlier (or at least parroted from some place that does actual news) the crappy geek-game-show teevee network is indeedie working thru the NHL eason. Perhaps I need to rethink the "crappy" part of the crappy geek-game-show teevee network's name?

The good news? Digital Ranger$ appear to suck slightly less than actual Ranger$. At least digital management hasn't yet been sued for digital sexual harrassment. So, I guess they have that going for them.

The bad news? There is no real hockey! I can't stress this enough: both sides of the NHL-CBA argument are fucking morons. I only wish when I had a disagreements on things like money, the problem could be solved by not talking to the other side. I don't know, somehow I think actually talking at about the problems is going to be a critical step in geting the game back on the ice. Maybe it is me?

Must.
Not.
Watch.
News.

Pain.
To.
Intense.

Instead.
Read.
Lileks.
Belmont Club.

Need.
Drink.

This entry brought to you by the William Shatner school of acting and the number 270

From the keyboard of the Insta-stand-in, a link to an opinion on timesonline.co.uk:

But above all, in this oppositional sort of age, when it is often easier to be defined by what one is against rather than what one is for, I have to say it is his enemies who most justify Mr Bush's re-election.

The list of those whose world could be truly rocked on Tuesday is just too long and too rich to be ignored. If you think for a moment about those who would really be upset by a second Bush term, it becomes a lot easier to stomach.

The hordes of the bien-pensant Left in the universities and the media, the sort of liberals who tolerate everything except those who disagree with them. Secularist elites who disdain religiosity except when it comes from Muslim fanatics. Europhile Brits who drip contempt for everything their country has ever done and long for its disappearance into a Greater Europe. Absurd, isolationist conservatives in America and Britain who think the struggles for freedom are always someone else's fight. Hollywood sybarites and narcissists, self-appointed arbiters of a nation's morals.

Soft-headed Europeans who think engagement and dialogue with mass murderers is the way to achieve lasting peace. French intellectuals for whom nothing has gone right in the world since 1789.

The United Nations, which, if it had its multilateral way, would still be faithfully minding a world in which half the population lived under or in fear of Soviet aggression. Most of Belgium.

Above all, of course, Middle Eastern militants. If your bitterest enemies are the sort of people who hack the heads off unarmed, innocent civilians, then I would say you are probably doing something right.

This may sound petty. It is not. This constellation of individuals, parties and institutions has very little in common other than the fact that it has contrived to be wrong on just about every important issue of my adult lifetime.

And so, perhaps for the wrong reasons, perhaps less because he has been right and more because those who hate him so much have been so wrong, I want this President re-elected.

Go on America. Make Their Day.

Rock on America, Rock on!