Ayerd{dot}com

Dig the scene: New Year's Day. Up at a relaxing 8:00 AM, Sign up for a triathlon or two (White Lake Half and the NJ Triathlon), clean up downstairs for a minute or two, decide to grab breakfast at the place around the corner so the woman jumps in the shower. I got some time to kill. Only one thing to do, really: teh interweb. And, my people, what does teh interweb bring us on this spiffy first day of 2006?

Snakes on a Plane.

Fuck'in what? Snakes. On a Plane. That's right. The thread works like this: Fark.com where I didn't real the Fark comments, just clicked the link. Over to NJ.com where in truth, I only got a few paragraphs when it finally sunk in... snakes... on a plane... with Mr. Hand-Me-My-Lightsaber. Damn.

At first, I'm like, "No fuck'in way. No one could be that fuck'in stupid." But, then, I did some Google-ing. Yea. Snakes on a Plane. Then, Holy Shit, pictures. Snakes... on a Plane. /me snorts

The title says it all. Even the morons in Hollywood realized they had a problem and tried to change the name. But, it didn't take.

I just can't stop: snakes... on a plane! I only wish there was an old skool battle with swords and shit so a group of us could run in screaming. Fuck that "for the Queen" noise. "SNAKES ON A PLANE!" /me starts killing

It would be awesome.

Memo to Mr. Jackson: I hope they paid you a fuck'in boat-load of money. Sure the film will be fun, but, damn. Snakes... on a plane. Dude.

Just got back from the Disney Half Marathon, and yes, we drove. Had to dump the dawg at the 'rents, because, well, she just ain't kennel material. On the way down to Disney there is our old friend, I-95. Oh yes, the shockingly straight road between South Florida and North Maine. Along the way you'll see (now much tamed signs. so tame it pisses me off — they used to be a lot funnier) for Pedro. They are okay.

There there are the generic shop/outlet mall signs that plague the landscape. The topless places that dispite the promises of clean restrooms and "fun, fun, FUN" the woman wouldn't let us stop at. Tons of hotel/motel and feed stations.

The best one, however, belonged to Dick Gore's RV World. Maybe not the place you'd expect to have the best billboard, but, lo, they did. Here is their winning slogan:

FREE Coffee. FREE Dump. FREE Advice.

You fucking can't ask for better than that. You just can't. Screw you Psychic Friends, I'm setting my life direction to a different tune now! So, enjoy your outlet malls, suckers, I'm heading for the best possible place in the world. I don't even care what they sell.

The coolest idea in political reform you'll read today.

Members of the House of Representatives shall be chosen each two years by lot from among the adult citizens of each congressional district.

I likes it. Then we can look back to the actual constitution and pull our senators from the House as intended (but limit their scrawney asses to one term).

Memo to self: Find a better hobby than reading the news. It impacts the hairline in bad ways and you can't really pay that kind of price.

Paraskavedekatriaphobia, bitches.

And, yes, that sound you heard earlier today was my spellchecker throwing up. I usually give it a good workout, but this one was above and beyond.

Memo to self: buy Handiwipes and some Pepto for the Ghosts in the machine.

Our elected overlords have been going a tad bonkers with the other white meat. We have a chance to try and elect a criminal... errr, statesman to try to both lead and to try and correct the problem. With that in mind:

An Appeal from Center-Right Bloggers

We are bloggers with boatloads of opinions, and none of us come close to agreeing with any other one of us all of the time. But we do agree on this: The new leadership in the House of Representatives needs to be thoroughly and transparently free of the taint of the Jack Abramoff scandals, and beyond that, of undue influence of K Street.

We are not naive about lobbying, and we know it can and has in fact advanced crucial issues and has often served to inform rather than simply influence Members.

But we are certain that the public is disgusted with excess and with privilege. We hope the Hastert-Dreier effort leads to sweeping reforms including the end of subsidized travel and other obvious influence operations. Just as importantly, we call for major changes to increase openness, transparency and accountability in Congressional operations and in the appropriations process.

As for the Republican leadership elections, we hope to see more candidates who will support these goals, and we therefore welcome the entry of Congressman John Shadegg to the race for Majority Leader. We hope every Congressman who is committed to ethical and transparent conduct supports a reform agenda and a reform candidate. And we hope all would-be members of the leadership make themselves available to new media to answer questions now and on a regular basis in the future.

Umm, what he said!

Memo to NJ: 57¢ on the dollar. Creepy. We need to find effective Senators!

Please allow me to state for the record: damn. This isn't your parent's Redskins team. Redskin football, for the past few years, has be defined by unbelievable off-season hype followed by a whole season that can be summarized as "hurry up and punt". Basically, they sucked.

Then, something magical happened.

This year, the (much loved) 'Skins only sucked a little. Made the playoffs and everything. Sadly, once in the playoffs they reverted to form with a stupendous 120 yard effort vs the Pirates of Pewter. The "D" reached up pretty far into various orifices we'd be better off not thinking about and pulled out a win. Then everything came apart vs. the Seagulls. /sigh

As we move into the off-season I note two signs of Goodness. First, they resigned Greg Williams to a bijillion dollars-a-year deal. Nice!

Now, ESPN reports they've hired Al Saunders to be the offensive coordinator. Hell yea. That bitch knows how to move the ball.

Things are looking up. It may actually be time to replace the Joo Janta 2000s with Ray-Bans.

Memo to Dan Snyder: Don't fuck it up. No need to sign an over the hill super has been. Let the coaches pick the players, just sit there and shut-up.

Memo to Self: Buy Turtle Wax for Bandwagon. We'll need it next year.

Memo to ESPN: Poker isn't a sport. It shouldn't be promoted as such. Lose the card games and maybe show triathlon, biking, curling... anything. While you're at it, dump the crappy sports movies since just about every sports movie ever made sucked ass. (Exception: Major League and Necessary Roughness: both have a high non-suck factor). Bring me The Ocho!

Sure, the title refers how one should deal with with breast implants, but you can apply it to so many other things. Today's example: city scapes.

Below is the coolest (non-boob-containing) photo of 'Vegas you'll see today.

[Olivo Barbieri] began the Site Specific project in Rome, before moving on to Amman, Jordan; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and Shanghai, China. He achieves the distinctive look by photographing from a helicopter using a tilt-shift lens--a method, he says, that "allows me to choose what I really like in focus: like in a written page, we don't read [it as an] image but one line at a time."

That, my people, is a bitch'in photograph. It makes the city that excels in making fake things real, look even more fake than you'd expect. Or, hope to expect. Or, something like that. If you know what I mean.

Memo to Barbieri: Great photos. Change your name to something that doesn't invoke images of futuristic space babes — with guns and enough wardrobe malfunctions to make the chicks in Showgirls cringe — trying to save the world from a guy who got his name stolen by a band in the 80s.

Allow me to put it this way: fuck'in illegals are destroying our country. Want cheap labor? Build a machine. Don't hire a scumbag who hopped the fence and is living of our country without paying the price. It may take some time, but it is not fucking that hard to become a citizen. Follow the rules, damn it.

So, while I don't have the spiffy tag like fark.com, much like p0rn, I know one when I see it:

An Ohio sheriff has billed the Department of Homeland Security $125,000 for the cost of jailing illegal aliens arrested on criminal charges in his county, saying he's angry that the federal government has failed in its responsibility to keep them out of the United States.

Butler County Sheriff Richard K. Jones yesterday said that although the government may not be legally obligated to pay the three bills he has sent since November, he intends to send similar ones every month until the federal government gains control of the border.

...

"We're not a border state, we're in the middle of the country, but I can tell you the people here are fed up with this stuff," he said. "As the local sheriff, I keep my ear to the ground, and I hear what the people are saying. I have the bully pulpit and my constituents don't, so I am determined to speak for them.

"This is not rocket science,"...

via the Washington Times

Damn right it isn't rocket science! Just kick'em out. If you feel the need, maybe deport them to different country then they started out from, just get them out. They don't have to go home, but they can't stay here.

It costs a fuck'in ton of money for us to prop up some maggot who hopped the fence. I'd rather use that money to do actual stuff: cut taxes, better for education actual citizens, have NASA get us off this rock... shit, you name it, just don't spend on illegal aliens.

I'd rather just burn the money in big piles than use it to provide services for an illegal.

Until we as U.S. citizens get serious about closing the borders to the south and the north and only allowing people who have followed the rules into our county, our goverment is failing us. Our elected represenativies have decided pandering to the special interests is more important than doing their jobs.

Memo to self: work harder, lots of (illegals) are counting on you.

Dig it: The Sports Economist has some spiffy entries on the Stupor-bowl and other sport-related money stuff.